01. Disillusioned
I never thought to have such feelings,disillusion is rising melancholy increasing.
Preassure is on,I..m trying to escape, you left me no choice I..m loosing my faith.
A broken man with broken dreams hiding in fantasy,crying in reality.
The ones I loved,hurt me the most.You never told me that I asked you why.
Promises were made,promises I belived.Am I green,or was I cheated?
Disillusioned I walked to the abyss,the more I walk the more I see it clearly disullusioned.The fear of falling is less than never waking up.Now I see it clearly disillusioned.Denounced for life but with a gain in experiance anyway.You nearly overwhelmed me with you expectation.I am late,but it..s not over yet.Time is healing my wounds,destiny is guiding me and I..m not guiding destiny.I have so many weird feelings but pride is not fitting in.I survived my own assasination and I won..t wast my last smile for you.You can..t reset what I passed through.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
02. Blank Refusal
These words run dry although I always tried my best and couldn..t find a reason why we can..t fucking last.I gave my everything but it was never enough for you.
I tried to close my eyes every damn fuckin.. night but a thousand toughts crashed within my head.It keeps me from falling asleep,keeps me from dreaming calmly.
Ever since I remember I..d no opportunity to scratch off this fuckin glut.My hands are smeared in blood because of the fighting on the battlefield of sentiments.
I just don..t know if ther is any reason left to overcome this ardous path and lead myself to victory.It feels like I..m dying tonight and I..m not even sorry to let myself fall.I..m dying
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
03. In October
I hate those autumn days where darkness is as close as a cold wind in my neck.
Feelings changed into reality and the cycle has been completed once again.
It..s the time of being in doubt with myself.My focus is blinded,blinded by the question..where do I stand and where will I go.
I am disrupted,I..m questioning every single action,I..m disrupted I..m scared to fall apart.Running aimless,thinking hopeless give me an answer or forgive my my excuse.Denying me is no blasphemy and ignoring me won..t kill me.And smashing this self-destroying mirror will just kill an image and not the whole man.I will be the one I used to be and not the one you used to see.
Years have passed....so fucking senseless to thing about the balance in my life,victoy and defeat are just words that I can..t catch.Scratching on the surface and telling me nothing about myself.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
04. Blackest Colors
I..ve made a promis to myself,I will never fell so dead inside again,so absolutely desolate,like a treasure that has never been found.No one released what was burried deep down inside of me for all that I had so much to give.No escape,still imprisoned.
I walked through the darkest places of my heart ,that I..ve painted with the blackest colors descending from my tortured sould,to break those chains of the deepest depression i fell into.Is this exactly what takes place for more than just a million years or is it just the fear of being never love.of always being disregarded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
05. Acedia
I..ve painted a picture of what is left for me of what I once loved and it bears no proportion.Is this my destiny?....ending up with all the things that seems so strange to me.I..m so sick of letting go of giving all away.Death already took my by his hand so did I finally found my way out...out of a place where noone knows my name.I..d rather take deaths.. cold hands than to have noone by my side.Tonight I..m gonna leave this world and I..m never coming back to life.An endless walk through the longest days a painful waiting to be delivered at least.I..m refusing hope I..m refusing love.I am nothing but the ghost inside this world has turned it..s back on me.
